


Let Love Bleed Red

by blurryakashi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Addictions, Alcohol, Angst, Cigarettes, Drugs, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 05:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6502252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurryakashi/pseuds/blurryakashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since young, Akaashi Keiji has been confused with his sexuality. He always had feelings for guys for the longest time but he suppressed his feelings because it wasn't "normal" to have feelings for the same gender. It remained like this until he met Bokuto Koutarou when he first entered the Fukurodani volleyball team. Bokuto Koutarou was a second-year volleyball player in the school team. He was a bubbly and cheerful boy that has the tendency to have severe mood swings when things don't go his way. This special boy change Akaashi's perspective on everything and he felt something, for once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

My name is Akaashi Keiji. I am a first-year student in Fukurodani. I play in the volleyball team and I don't have any friends besides my team mates, because I'm not very sociable. Since young, I've always thought I was slightly different from everyone else. I tried suppressing those feelings and tried to make friends but always ended up being alone. It has always been like this until I entered this school. The first time I stepped into this school, I laid eyes on a boy a year older than me. His name was Bokuto Koutarou. He was such a cheerful boy and his actions made him popular. He was funny and nice to everyone. I admired him. But admiration turned to something else. I went for the volleyball trail where we were asked to show our skills and I made it into the team. Everyone was friendly and nice and told me that I did a great job. Then, Bokuto came up to me and swung his arms around my neck, almost choking me. "Akaashi Keiji right ? You did a great job. Welcome to the team!" was what he said to me before giving me a huge hug. Normally, I would't feel comfortable when people touch me but his hugs. I felt something different when he hugged me. It felt so warm and nice. I just hugged him back.

A year later, we unknowingly became best friends. We hung out during lunch and he usually talked about his hobbies, which are volleyball and video games. He talked about his family and how tragic it was to always go home to an empty house. He told me that I made him happy because I volunteered to eat lunch with him. I didn't mind it at all. Things changed when he talked about a girl he fancied a few months after my second year, when we were hanging out at his house.

"Akaashi, you know that one girl with shoulder-length brown hair from my class ?" he asked softly while controlling his racing car with the controller. I just replied with a soft yes.

"I kind of like her. She always look at me. Do you think I should go for it ?" That was when my heart felt like it shattered into pieces. It was so heartbreaking to hear that the one you love talking about someone else. I couldn't breathe. I nearly cried but I didn't. Instead, I held on to my tears and said, "If you like her, then go for it." And he just smiled at me and said, "Thank you Akaashi, you're the best."

I went home crying after that day.

Everything escalated so quickly from then on. Dating, to getting into a real relationship and his first sex. Bokuto told me everything and I had to hide my feelings just for his happiness. It was okay though. Bokuto was happy. He used to get terrible mood swings and it scares me but now that he's dating this girl, he was happier. He rarely have mood swings. He was much calmer. I'm happy for him.

Time flew past really quickly and it was already his graduation day. Bokuto was happier than usual. It was nice seeing him happy, knowing that he could finally pursue his dreams. It kind of sucks though, because it has been 2 years and my feelings for him is still as strong as it was. During graduation, I saw him smiling and crying tears of joy when he went onstage to get his certificate. And I saw him crying tears of joy when his girlfriend said yes when he proposed after graduation. 

I couldn't keep my tears anymore. Bokuto saw me crying and came over to me. "Akaashi, why are you crying ?" He asked, with that voice that I will miss. I just shook my head and told him I was happy for him and he just hugged me. It felt like a goodbye hug, he doesn't need to know that though. 

"Akaashi, for the past 2 years, you have changed me into a better person. You have guided me through problems and have been listening to my rants. Thank you so much, you are the bestest friend I could ever have."

Best friend. That's right. That was all we were. That was the relationship between us. Best friend. That word stung me. I was nothing but a friend to Bokuto. I don't have any regrets though. I enjoyed being close to him even though I knew that we could never be anything more than just friends.

"You're welcome Bokuto and congratulations on your proposal." I tried being happy for him. After all, hiding my true emotions is my best game.

I walked home alone that day. It felt so uneasy when I turned around and didn't see Bokuto's yellow eyes piercing into me. No noise whatsoever. Everything felt so uncomfortable, it made me sick. I didn't cry that night. I didn't get any sleep either. Everything was real. Bokuto graduated and is now proposed. No more "hey hey hey Akaashi" whenever I enter the school's gym. No more lunch together. No more hanging out at his house. No more Bokuto.

I didn't have the motivation to go to school anymore. I ended up quitting the school team because everything felt so different and I hated that place. It reminded me of Bokuto. In fact, I stopped doing everything I loved, because I did everything with Bokuto. I was happy for him but I wasn't happy. 

I graduated a year later with grades that weren't up to anyone's expectations. I didn't care. It was silly actually, now that I think of it. Bokuto is now proposed to his girlfriend of nearly 2 years and he's happy now. And here I am, feeling depressed everyday because he wasn't mine. I still kept his contact. I've already planned on what I wanted to do after graduation. I have my things packed already. I just felt like I needed to text Bokuto that I was leaving.

 

To: Bokuto Koutarou

21/12/17 , 20:19:57 - Bokuto-san, I just graduated from Fukurodani. I don't know if this is still your number because we haven't texted each other after your graduation but I just felt like I needed to tell you that I'm leaving for Boston in a few hours. I'm going to settle down there. A college accepted me there and I'm planning to migrate there. I will miss you.

 

From: Bokuto Koutarou

21/12/17 , 20:20:01 - Sorry, This Number You Are Trying To Reach Is No Longer In Service.

That night, I left Japan and never looked back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A summary of what happened after a few years. This is in a mixture of Akaashi's and Bokuto's point of view, starting with Akaashi's

Akaashi's POV

Unknowingly, 6 years have past after my departure from Japan to Boston for my studies. I have to admit, getting over Bokuto has been tough. I have picked up smoking because I couldn't cope with my emotions well, so I ended up getting addicted to smoking. Besides that, everything remained the same. I was still anti-social and didn't made many friends. I deleted Bokuto's number 4 years ago, knowing that we will never talk again and that everything that had happened between us was what normal friends would experience. Right now, I'm working in an award-winning prestigious company. Life has been alright, work hasn't been stressful. Life has been alright without Bokuto and I was independent for once. No need to rely on anyone for my happiness whatsoever.

Bokuto's POV

I've made the worse decision since graduation. Scratch that, I've made the worse decision to date this girl. I knew I wasn't straight but I didn't want to come out because I've seen how people treated that gay guy in school and I was terrified. I didn't want to come out to anyone about my true identity, so I dated this girl. She was nice, yes, but I feel like I'm deceiving her. I even asked her to marry me after the graduation ceremony. We didn't last long. We divorced 2 years later, because I couldn't satisfy her emotional needs. Akaashi haven't contacted me since graduation. I don't blame him though. I purposely changed my phone number so I can at least pretend that I don't need him anymore. For the past 7 years, after we stopped talking, life have been a living hell. I miss Akaashi so badly and I want to hug him tightly and tell him that he's all that matters to me. I guess it's too late now. I wonder if he've changed his number.

To: Akaashi Keiji

3/4/23 – Akaashi, I don't know if you still remember me. This is Bokuto Koutarou from Fukurodani. I changed number a while ago and lost your number but got it back when I met up with Konoha. I haven't seen you in a while and wanted to ask if you want to meet up for a drink or something ? Reply soon !!

Sent.

I miss him a lot, really. I just hope this would make up to all the lost times.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok firstly, sorry for not updating pls don't kill me. i had alot of school stuff to deal with. secondly, this chapter was shit but it gives u a rough idea on whats going on. ill try to update as often as i could but no promises bc i have exams coming up. i hope you enjoy this though.

Akaashi's POV

I was on my way to work when my phone vibrated. I fished it out of my bag and looked at the message.

From: Unknown Sender

3/4/23 – Akaashi, I don't know if you still remember me. This is Bokuto Koutarou from Fukurodani. I changed number a while ago and lost your number but got it back when I met up with Konoha. I haven't seen you in a while and wanted to ask if you want to meet up for a drink or something ? Reply soon !!

No.

This has to be a prank.

7 years was too long.

Fuck, I miss him so fucking much.

"Bokuto-san..."

I was shivering. I was having such high hopes for him to text me back before I arrived at Boston.

7 years without contact and I still miss him so much. Why is he doing this to me ??

I tried texting back but I was shaking so hard. I wished everyday that he would text me back but when it finally happened, I just don't know what to do. Is this even real or am I dreaming ?

\------------------------------------------------------

To: Bokuto Koutarou

Hello, Bokuto-san. It has been long. I hope you have been doing alright. Sure, we can meet but one problem, I moved to Boston after graduation. We can still meet if you want to though. Text back soon. I miss you very much.

\-------------------------------------------------------

I finally brought up the courage to text him back after work, or should I put it this way, I called up my boss and called in sick because I was so emotionally unstable that I felt an episode coming. After for what seems like years (3 minutes went by but Akaashi was being dramatic), Bokuto texted back.

\-------------------------------------------------------

From: Bokuto Koutarou

OMG !!!! I'M IN BOSTON TOO. U KNOW THAT CAFE NEAR THAT ONE UNIVERSITY NEAR THE SEA ???? WE SHOULD MEET THERE !!!!!

\--------------------------------------------------------

To: Bokuto Koutarou

Um... sure. I study in THAT university and I work part-time at THAT cafe so yeah.

\--------------------------------------------------------

From: Bokuto Koutarou

YES SEE U TOMORROW AKASAHI

\--------------------------------------------------------

You still can't type my name right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter would be an angsty one because i'm feeling it ,, also, i added some stuff to the tag of the story just in case it triggers anyone

Today was the day. I was going to meet Bokuto-san again. I'm having mixed feelings and happiness isn't one of them. I know I should be anticipating because I missed him so much over the years and I'm finally meeting him. But I'm not too sure now. As I walk towards the cafe, all I could think about how I managed to recover from so many addictions to get rid of the pain. Alcohol, drugs, in and out the rehab centre. It has been 6 months since I touched alcohol and about a year since my last drug intake. I'm still smoking cigarettes occasionally (more like a pack within 2 days) and that's all there is right now. I tried so many ways to ruin myself but a year later, I'm finally recovering.

Thinking about all these made me lose track of time and I was already standing in front of the cafe. I pushed the door carefully in case someone walks past the place with piping hot coffee. I saw one of my work-mate standing at the cashier and I immediately walked towards him.

"Good morning Akaashi, I thought you said you're not working today." Mica smiled at me politely. It's a habit, I guess.

"Good morning to you too little one. I'm actually here to meet a long lost friend, so you're right."

Just then, a customer walked in.

"I'm not going to disturb you. I'll see you soon."

I walked towards the seat nearer to the window. It calms me down a lot. Seeing all these people walking back and forth, it makes me wonder how their lives are right now. Are they as depressed as I am ?? Or are they waiting for the love of their life to come ?? It fascinates me how everyone is different in their own way and everyone has their own problems. Once again, I spaced out. So much that I didn't notice someone sitting in front of me.

White hair with black roots. 

"Bokuto-san, it's nice to see you again." I lowered down my glance. My heart was beating so quickly, it felt like it was going to pounce out of my chest. My head was spinning so violently that my vision was almost blurry. I couldn't look at him in the face. I needed something to calm me down.

I took out the pack of cigarettes I kept in my bag and stood up.

"Akaa-"

"I'll be back."

I walked out at lightning speed and lit up a stick of cigarette. The feeling was different today. Everything felt so heavy. It felt like there was something suffocating me. I could hardly breathe.

I was about to lit another cigarette when someone grab onto my wrist.

"A-Akaashi, what are you doing ??"

"It's nothing. Just go back to the seats, I'll be back."

"Akaashi...."

"Go."

Bokuto had that sadness in his eyes before he walked away. The same sadness when I didn't toss to him during practice. The same eyes that I missed so much. I realized how much I actually miss him, it hurts. 

I was done crying though. I finish the cigarette and walked into the cafe again.

"Akaashi."

"Why did you want to meet ??" 

Why did I say that ?

"I just thought we could talk for a bit since we haven't met each other for so long." He mumbled.

I sighed.

"Look, I have work to do so if you have nothing to say, I'll just leave."

Why.

I stood up and Bokuto followed. I then felt a hand grabbing my own. I pulled away immediately. 

"Bokuto-san, what the fuck are yo-"

He held me tightly by my arms and pushed me against the wall. I was stunt. Why was he like this ??

He leaned his forehead on my shoulder. I could felt him trembling. My shirt started getting wet. Why was he crying ??

"I missed you so much Akaashi. I have so much to apologize for. I didn't mean to lie to you. But you have no rights to be mad at me." With every sentence, his sob gets louder and louder. My heart broke. I was the cause of this.

"Bokuto-san."

"I'm so sorry Akaashi, I shouldn't have lied. I should've told you everything because you were my bestfriend but I was scared. I was so scared and I fucked up."

What was he saying ??


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is gonna be a short one because i'm ditching homework for this,, also, i'm going on a hiatus for all my stories bc exams are coming up so i wont have time to update. and also, follow me on twitter @pixeiteaars to get updates and stuff about the story and when i'm coming back. thank u for reading and enjoy :-)

What was he saying and why is he crying ??

"Bokuto-san.... What's wrong ??"

This felt like 7 years ago all over again, when I was still Bokuto's best friend and when we were hanging out behind the school and when he was sharing his problems at home.

All my anger were gone. I started feeling worry because I couldn't bear not knowing what Bokuto's upset about.

The shivering stopped. He calmed down and pushed himself away from me.

"Are you ready to talk ?? My house is just around the corner, you can come if you want to talk about it."

He just nodded and held onto my hand. I held his hand tightly, it felt like I was almost protecting from any harm, like he was a little lost kid. His hand was soft, I missed holding onto them so much. The silence has brought peace between the both of us as we walked down the quiet Boston streets hand in hand.

Soon enough, we arrived at my apartment. I had to let go of his hand to open the door. He was hesitating to let go, his expression pained me. 

"I'm not going anywhere, Bokuto-san. I have to open up the door."

He just nodded again. I turned back to open the door.

I walked in and he followed behind. I sat onto the couch and waited for him to follow. He sat beside me and looked at his fingers, not wanting to look up.

"So, you want to talk about it ?"

He breathe in deeply and let out a huge sigh.

"I-I just want to apologize."

"You know I'm not asking you to do that. I want to know what you're apologizing for."

"I lied about so many things. And I'm here to get things straight. Firstly, I had a divorce with my wife quite some time ago."

Was I hearing things ?

"What, why ? You loved her."

"Okay, that's my second point. Since you came into the school team in Fukurodani, I have been keeping a secret from you and everyone else. I know this may come out as a shock but I need you to know. So, I have a crush on boys since forever and I was so scared to come out because you knew how people treated that gay in school and I was afraid. I know it's very stupid because I know everyone in volley would support me but I was scared to lose people, so I didn't. I pretended that I like that girl so that people wouldn't know. It was my fault. I did really like her though, but not in that way. You get what I mean right ?"

"Wait, so you're telling me you're gay and you liked someone in Fukurodani but you were scared to come out to me and everyone on the team just because you were scared of getting beaten up ?"

He nodded.

"Who was the person ?" I was curious and was ready to hurt myself even further.

"You." 

"What.... ?"


End file.
